Ma-Ma, Da-Da
We’re getting there! Jack has learned to say those two words!! Those two ultra-important, life-changing words – Mama and Dada! Now we just need to get him to understand what the two mean. I was sooo excited the first time he said, “ma-ma.” (which is more like “muh-muh”) When I was about to give him a bottle yesterday he said “mama”. I was excited. Then, I fed him the bottle and he looked up into my eyes, smiled, and said, “Dada.” He thinks “ma-ma” is food! He now says it EVERY time WE feed him. And he calls Erik and ME “dada.” (LOL) We’re definitely still going to work on this….:)
Anyway, our computer likes me today! It’s letting me post the entire video we made for Jack to document his homecoming!(The one that includes scenes from the ‘delivery room’-ha! ha!)See the top of the right sidebar.
Trip Two Photos
Attaching
We started this blog because we wanted family and friends to understand what it’s like to adopt. Once we decided we were adopting, we found that there were people who were curious and asked us all kinds of questions. Then there were also people who wanted to ask about it, but were afraid to or didn’t know where to start or what to ask and so they just said nothing. They seemed uneasy around us all of a sudden. We also didn’t want to bombard uninterested people with our story and so we wanted a place where people could go check out what was going on if they wanted to.
Adopting is such a weird way to become a parent. Everyone understands the pregnant way, but the adopted way….well that’s just strange for some people. Throughout our travels today we had two different sets of people tell me how much Jack looked like me. I just smiled – I mean I guess he does, we have the same coloring. But it was the next comment that made me uneasy. After they said he looked like me, they added “You’d never know he was adopted.” I had to bite my lip so I didn’t respond with, “Why? Is that such a bad thing?” Another conversation happened tonight when a woman, whom I just met tonight btw, asked how old Jack was and then some questions that I couldn’t answer. I explained that we’ve only been together for a short time, that we just brought him home from Russia. The lady proceeded to tell me about other people being infertile. Why is it always assumed that adoption is second best or what people resort to only after they can’t have their own? Even with regard to work, technically if it wasn’t summer vacation, I would’ve had to go back this past Monday. My time would be up. If I actually gave birth, I’d have an additional 2-4 weeks paid to spend with Jack. How can this be seen as fair?
I’m finding that adoption has a stigma. Maybe people automatically think about the poor baby whose mother gave him up and feel sorry for him. So many people have told us how lucky he is to have us. He is. But we just as lucky, if not luckier to have him. Adoptive parents have the same feelings towards their children as biological parents. I remember the first time I saw him like it was yesterday. I was in my classroom, the class was gone, and myself and another teacher were leaning over my computer. I remember moving the mouse to click on the picture. But once I saw it, I knew. Erik says he did too. Just like biological parents know the moment they first see their child that their child belongs to them.
The biggest difference, I think, is in the bonding process. When you’re pregnant I think you feel your baby moving and start to attach to that little thing inside. It causes you to stay out of harms way, make better choices, stay safe, and eat healthier when you are pregnant. When the baby comes out, you might even recognize some of his or her movements and remember when he or she did that inside of you. I could be wrong, but I think that the bonding process for biological mothers begins during pregnancy. After birth, you are all the baby knows and he looks to you to continue to supply him food, etc. She recognizes you voice, your smell.
With adoptive children, especially those who have lived in an orphanage, they have been fed by many people. Jack had an entire 11 months of life experiences before joining us. Because of this, there are special measures that have to be taken to assure bonding and attachment takes place. These children have been cared for by so many different caregivers, that many of them have trouble forming attachments and this can lead to many behavior issues later in life.
That’s why we’ve been venturing out slowly. The pediatrition yesterday stressed to me again that’s it’s most important grandparents stay away because they will want the baby to bond with them. They’ll do things like try to feed him and want to walk around holding him. Jack needs to see us as his sole providers. This has been hard for our parents, but we are so happy they are respecting this need that we have. It makes it harder on us too, because unlike biological parents, we cannot have help from our parents. Not now, anyway. Not yet.
I can see Jack is starting to bond with me. He looks for me when I leave the room and just wants to be held or even just lay down together. He’s different than many other kids his age in this way. He can spend an hour just sitting and having Erik or I rub his back. After our day yesterday, he didn’t want to have anything to do with Erik once he came home from work. I know that Erik felt bad, but this was actually a very good thing. His screaming and crying when Erik picked him up and walked away showed he is attaching to me. It shows that Jack IS ABLE to attach. This is important.
I like our little routine we have going. The past two days Erik has fed him breakfast and played with him while I got a little extra sleep. Jack goes back down around 7:30 for his morning nap, so I get up at 8:30 and can relax and have some coffee, get ready for the day, before waking him up at 9:30. Then we eat and play and go to the gym.
I didn’t plan on going to the gym and using the daycare this early, but I think it’s important for both Jack and I. I need a way to deal with the stress of this adjustment and Jack needs to be around other children. He so misses other kids. The moment I walked in there, he saw the kids, the toys and had a big smile on his face. He also needs to know that I can leave for 45 minutes and that I will always come back. He’s only playing with kids, and not bonding with adults during this time. I don’t leave them any bottles or food for them to feed him. We eat before the gym and after the gym. Anyway, it went so well yesterday, that we went back today. He was more than excited to see the other babies – there can be up to three others in his little room. He was equally as excited 45 minutes later when he saw me walk in. I think it worked out well for both of us. Erik and I watched the old video – the one when we first met him tonight. Both of us commented on how that baby – the baby in the video- Alexander (Jack) in the ophanage – the one that we thought was SO happy even at the orphanage looks sad in comparison to how he looks now. We must be doing something right.
So anyway, we do welcome visitors. It makes the adjustment easier to talk to other people. Grandparents, we’re not ready yet. Sorry. We need him to attach to Erik and be sure he’s attached to me for a little while before he can attach to you. You guys will in time be very important in his life, but for now, well you know.
Once we’ve established our routine a few more days, we’re looking to venture out to other people’s houses/different places with others. Let us know when we can come visit or when you can come visit! We ARE looking forward to seeing you!
Also, I haven’t forgotten about getting that other video up. It shows how we started to become a family in a hotel room.
How American Can I Look!?
So I just put little Jack to sleep. Things are going well today. Yesterday, well, it started out a little rough. It was my first day ALONE with him!
Poor Jack woke up teething and with a rash on his butt! The same rash I had on my inner elbow. Right where he sits when I pull him up out of the bath. Who gave it to whom??? Who knows? But I freaked a little thinking it was poison ivy (where he’d get it, who knows…who still thinks grass is creepy!). Anyway, I started to run the bath, set him on the floor, and looked over at this little person with a big smile and puddle surrounding him that was getting bigger and bigger as I starred at him. I guess now we had two reasons for that bath!
The afternoon went much better and I we both made it through. Went to the doctor and Kinkos, the gym and Kroger. Which also made me wonder, will I forever be this nerd who sings as she drives because her baby is crabby? We sang, “Let’s Go Krogering!” the entire time at that the grocery store and then I even made up some song about Kinkos. All I cared about is the baby in the back seat didn’t cry when I sang. So I did! He’s the only person in the world that enjoys my singing!
The doctor’s office went fine. The purpose of the visit was to see if Jack is up to par for his age developmentally. He is for the most part, but as expected, he is small for his age. He’s in the 5th percentile for weight, 55th for height. This is common for children who have spent a significant time in an orphanage.
Adjusting
We had quite a scare yesterday. We set up his room and introduced Jack to his new crib. He sat in it for a while while we put some clothes away. Then we took him downstairs for lunch and when we went back up for his first nap time in the crib, we found out that the ceiling fixture had come smashing down on the crib and there was glass everywhere. Boy, were we lucky! We were shaken up and at the same time so happy no one was hurt.
We’ve started establishing our new routine now that the jet lag has worn off. Jack is such a happy, easy baby – however, because this is our first, this has still been a big adjustment – for us. It’s been a good adjustment though and it’s fun to see the signs of Jack bonding. He now looks for us when we leave the room and leave him with someone new for a minute, he lays his head on us and likes to be held, reaches up to be picked up by us, etc. We can really tell that he enjoys being the focus of attention. He eats up any attention either us give him. Vistors are welcome – we’re just not quite ready to venture too far away from home just yet.
Also, Archie and Leroy have finally come to realize Jack is staying and are starting to at least be in the same room as him. 🙂 Jack loves to watch the cats and if he gets to touch one of them, he thinks it’s hilarious!
Jack is Home!
Trip Two Highlights! This is only the second half. I’m trying to get the part from court and Ark to load…….pictures and first half (fingers crossed) to come soon!
(Movie moved to top of sidebar)
Also, visitors are welcome if anybody wants to come and meet him!
One Full Day Home – also What Happened in Moscow
Made it through one full day. Still a little jetlagged – Jack still took two naps and we’re all adjusting.
Some of you guys have asked what the heck happened in Moscow. Why couldn’t we leave? We couldn’t leave because Jack did not have the proper visa to allow him to travel through Dusseldorf, Germany. Dusseldorf has a small airport and no transit area. Other airports in Germany such as Munich and Frankfurt allow Russian citizens to fly through them without a visa. The adoption agency did not inform us of this rule and did not get him the proper visa. They had our flight arrangements well before we left and they said we wre fine. Dimitry said our arrangements were fine. This is why we are fighting to get the $3300 we had to spend last minute to get a second set of tickets home. There was no reason we should’ve needed TWO SETS of tickets for the SAME DAY to get home.
So needless to say we were a little freaked out and my phone would not work in the airport. Thank you to everyone who offered to help us and make calls for us since we only had access to email. We really appreciate that and are so glad that we are home!!
Frankfurt
We made it this far. Jack is finally sleeping. We've all been up since 4:30 because Dimitry picked us up at 5:15 for our 8:30 flight. Our new flight did not leave until 1:30. Jack actally fell asleep as the wheels hit the ground as we landed. Before that he was up the whole time. Our next flight has a baby row with basinets. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get some sleep?
Still Coming Home Tuesday
Mom, Dad,
We will be flying in Tuesday night at 8:00 p.m. Through Lufthansa. We had to buy all new tickets. The agency better pay for these. Everyone in this airport knows a Russian citizen can't fly through Dusseldorf. Why didn't they? Or Dimitry? We leave at 11:00 a.m. Moscow time. Glad to get out of here. I can't call you anymore because my Russian Russian airport SIM card doesn't work in this airport even though the lady I just bought it from said it would and my U.S. one only works in certain areas. Jen
Help!
They won't let us leave. Mom and dad don't pick is up. We'll get more info. Later. Russia sucks. Someone please call Ingrid or mom and dad, they don't check their email often.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.
Goodbye, Russia. I’m Going Home.
So we made it this far. I think we’ve also all finally just adjusted to this time zone and new routine. Tomorrow will change all that! It will be nice to get home though – grill food, sleep in our own bed, let him crawl around on a clean floor…. IF we make it home. He won’t go to sleep tonight so far. We are all sitting in the dark – literally – wondering how tomorrow will go.
We’re very glad we decided to stay here for a little while longer and see some of little Jack’s country. He has Russian books and toys to share with his cousins. We have lots of pictures for him and artwork for him to keep when he’s older. For the most part Jack was a trooper. He’s pretty content just riding around anywhere in the stroller. He lasted about 45 minutes at the circus before getting squirmy. Today he had his first taste of cotton candy and had his first balloon. There are many more firsts to come … for all of us!
We are starting to figure things out. For instance the happy baby needs TWO naps or else NO orange juice. We’re unsure which. At the circus, we gave him some juice and we’re thinking that may have given him heartburn. He screamed the whole way back in the street – he was like a horn saying “GET OUT OF MY WAY” to everyone in front of us. Erik and I just looked at each other like “oh sh*t!” People starred at us. Once we got back to the room we gave him some medicine and put him in his crib and he was sleeping within about 10 minutes. He goes down pretty easily (on every other night but tonight)….but he could’ve been tired just the same. He only had one longer nap yesterday…he had two today….who knows!! Hard to tell with babies who can’t just tell you what’s wrong, I guess. P.S. I think he just went to sleep!
We’ve also learned that he stores food in his diaper, which explains the undigested ham and goldfish that we’ve found in there. We’re trying to get him to eat a little slower than in the orphanage. We know that he likes to have goldfish hiding in both of his hands and then tries to eat with his mouth. It’s like he doesn’t want to ever be without food. I think that scares him. He eats REALLY fast. Faster than we can break it up for him.
Dimitry is picking us up at 5:30 in the morning tomorrow. We’re all packed. Jack Alexander Fritz Reis is coming home! Funny thing, by the way, Natalya and Dimitry both thought that “Fritz” was a funny name. They said that during World War II, “Fritzes” was a derogatory name for the Germans that Russians used. . But what do Russians know?? Dimitry also said that there is a five month wait for a Ford Focus here because it’s the hot new car everybody wants! J
So he’s still sleeping! Five hours until we all get up. Hope “somebody” is able to do some sleeping on the plane too!!
Wonder Is This Could’ve Happened to Jack’s Birthmom
http://tc.m.yahoo.net/tc/1181342434_301tfn0qah4or/www.themoscowtimes.com%2Fstories%2F2007%2F06%2F08%2F003.html?tc-img=n
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.
Best Invention EVER
Coming to America! (Tuesday)
We are free to leave except the only problem is Northwest wants $500 to change our tickets and Aeroflot wants $100. So we’ll be staying. The hotel we leave for tomorrow is free courtesy of Erik’s dad. (The agency originally told us to stay until Tuesday just in case we couldn’t get an appointment at the embassy today.) We would’ve stayed at the free hotel these past two nights but Dr. Boris wanted to come here so he could see the families together. As it turned out the other one wasn’t even in Moscow yet. Anyway, long story short, if we were staying at a hotel that we were paying for, we’d leave because $600 would be a draw. Now we just think we’ll stay and try and enjoy ourselves. Maybe go to the Moscow Zoo and Gorky Park?
Dr. Boris
Dr. Boris came today at 7:15. He said everything looks good. Jack started feeling better last night. Figures…. J Anyway, there is nothing on him preventing us from bringing him into the country. Although yesterday I must at admit we were a little nervous. We changed his diaper and honestly thought he had a growth. We both starred at it. It turned out to be a chunk of ham on his lower stomach.
Jack did finally fell off the bed last night. He looks has rug burn on his forehead. He now looks like Gorbachev with a big red blotch. The doctor is still going to let us leave with him. 🙂
He’s still a happy, easy going baby. He didn’t like putting on his coat today and started to squirm. I said, “nyet” and he stopped right away. I know he’s still figuring out how to work us, but for now that’s kinda nice. 🙂
Moscow – We Made It!
Jack was great on the plane. He was exhausted but great. He started to get crabby as Natalia and Dimitry drove us to our hotel. Keep in mind the poor kid did not have an opportunity for a diaper change for six hours. (Erik wants me to add that that diaper was a heavy one. J ) The flight was only an hour and 20 minutes and about 15 miles to our hotel. From the airport, it took us TWO and A HALF HOURS to get to our hotel. Traffic was at a standstill. Cars were on the side of the road – broken down. Semis were pulling over. Then about 2 hours into the drive, the lanes started moving. No accident, no construction, no lane closure, no reason – just a “cork” as Dimitry and Natalya call it. A “cork” is what we call a “bottleneck” in traffic. Only thing is their corks happen everywhere and all the time for no reason.
We checked in and immediately went to McDonald’s! So good to eat beef! (Never thought I’d get that excited about it, but seriously it was the best hamburger ever.) And us being new at this had no idea what to order Jack. We know it’s not the most nutritious food, but thought he’d really enjoy a good American meal. Erik asked, “So how many nuggets should I get him?” J Just so you know the baby with four teeth could eat ½ a nugget broken up. We gave him formula when we got back.
Still no crib. We asked for one and they said they would send one up. Some lady knocked on the door with a COT. Yep, that sure helps. Doctor and visa tomorrow!
Moscow
Jen
Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles.
Visit the Yahoo! Auto Green Center.
Uncle Dad and Aunt Mom
Jen
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Yep, this is fun (Right)
Bored stiff? Loosen up…
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Gotcha Day! June 5, 2007
Introducing the Reis Family!
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered – He’s Ours!
Luggage? GPS? Comic books?
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I Love to Eat!
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On the Beach – (It’s Still Cold Up Here)
…and 12:25 a.m. right now and perfectly light out! (Picture was taken 5 hours ago.)
Jen
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Erik and Jack
Now if he could just stop calling himself “Uncle Erik.” 🙂
Jen
Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles.
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Ten Fingers, Ten Toes, and Yes Sir, One of Those
It really is a boy!
Jen
Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha!
Play Monopoly Here and Now (it’s updated for today’s economy) at Yahoo! Games.
BLUE – man BLUE
Jen
Building a website is a piece of cake.
Yahoo! Small Business gives you all the tools to get online.
What a Day!
What a day. You never know quite what to expect when in Russia. Today around 10:30 in the morning Dimitry and one of the doctors brought Jack to our room.
You might remember that before we came we were told that we MAY get to see Jack the day before court and that a caregiver would care for him the rest of the day/night and before court tomorrow. Well we have yet to see a caregiver from the orphanage and it’s about 10:00 at night. I wonder if we are still paying her! I am so glad we packed everything we did to get us through the first few hours… We had no idea he would be with us all day. And he’s sick – congested – and they dropped him off with no food, diapers, medicine….. He’s not even technically “ours” yet. I’m so happy we were prepared!
We did need to leave for a couple of hours and a young Russian girl was brought in to baby-sit for a little bit. Jack slept the whole time. He went to sleep while we were still in the room and woke up right when we got back. We were told that we’d need to go a couple of hours before it was time to go. I assumed the caregiver was coming back, but I guess not! It worked out great because we want to spend time with him – it’s just that we never know quite what to expect.
We had to leave so that we could discuss how court will go tomorrow with the Minister of Education. His name is Sergey and is a very nice, plump guy. Anna was our translator and she had on a short see-throughish top. She’ll be translating for us tomorrow as well. She said if we mess up on what we say, she’ll help us fix it. J They said Erik’s speech will take approximately 35 minutes with translation. I still just basically say, “I agree with everything my husband has said.” J There are a couple of more things I have to say such as I promise to take care of the baby and not work….also if they ask if I will love my son or husband more, I should say, “I will love them equally” – stuff like that. Basically, tomorrow I get to be June Cleaver! J I wish I would’ve brought my pearls!
Jack does not go to court. Another babysitter comes back.
This also seemed strange at first – we were also told not to go to any restaurants while we are here. I guess in the past people have went to celebrate and because the parents were speaking English and the children were speaking Russian, some Russian people were afraid the kids were kidnapped and police were called. So, no restaurants for us. We ordered pizza tonight and went to the grocery store to last us the next few days until Thursday when we leave for Moscow.
The other family that is here is really nice. They are adopting two boys ages 2 and 3. Both of the boys are having a rough time. They are sad and confused. We went to visit them and one of them was looking down the hallway to see if someone would come back. Tomorrow they might try one of our Elmo DVDs.
Jack is so young that he has been really easy and fun so far. He seemed to recognize us when he first saw us. I don’t know if that’s possible, but it seemed like it. He’s still very smiley. He loves to bounce and jump. He has four teeth – and Melissa he loves that vibrating John Deere corn teether that you bought him. He just sits there with it in his mouth and smiles. He is mesmerized by the T.V. Michelle, they brought him back with the album of us we left at the orphanage and so far this has been his favorite toy.
As soon as we kinda figured out no one was coming to get him today from the orphanage (No one told us – after about 6 hours we just kind of assumed), we quickly took off his teal tights and crocheted pants. We put on jeans, tennis shoes, and a BLUE flannel. It was fun to put him in some American clothing.
Also, so far he has not cried. It’s been about 12 hours now. And I can’t believe I will admit this – I guess I’m just hoping some other people have made some of these mistakes, but we’ve accidentally boinked his head getting him out of the bath, squirted a ton of Johnoson’s and Johnson’s shampoo on him on accident, and served him food a bit too hot from the container in the hot pot (The top and middle were warm, the bottom of the jar – kinda hot – he just looked like he ate a lemon that mouthful.) J He also looked a little nervous when we left to go to the grocery store. (It was getting close to when he normally ate supper and he was probably wondering if he was going to eat.) He had his little hands clasped together – which we think he does when he gets nervous or excited. We even have to check him to see if he’s wet because he doesn’t let us know. We’ve been taking turns changing his diaper. There was one point where he squatted down with a big smile laughing and I knew exactly what he was doing! J Thank goodness, he did it when it was ERIK’S turn! J
I think Jack’s a little confused about this whole food thing…we gave him a cup full of baby cereal finger foods and he gets to eat as much as he wants. He tries to stick about 8 in his mouth at a time. He looks at us pretty excitedly when we put more in the cup when it’s empty. We also fed him some Russian babyfood – we thought it was beef but it ended up being something like spaghetti-Os and he ate it all in about 5 minutes. He’s a fast eater. He also likes goldfish, oatmeal, apple juice, banana yogurt; soy formula….He hasn’t disliked anything we’ve given him so far. We’ve heard horror stories from other adoptive parents about the child not liking the texture of the food or what have you, but so far he’s been fine with everything. We even cut up a pepperoni from our pizza and he ate that. The only thing we’re not giving him here is milk. They say he has an allergy to only milk (not yogurt), so we’re not going to take our chances. We’ve decided to wait and see how that pans out when we get back to the states.
We gave him a bath which he loved. He loves to play in the water and has no problem getting his clothes changed or diaper changed or hair washed. I don’t know when all of this will end, but so far he’s been really good and happy.
He’s sleeping in the other room now. We have a big king size bed and he’s in the middle of it. I’m sure we’ll both sleep on the edges with one leg on the floor so that we don’t roll onto him tonight. J
If all goes well, tomorrow at this time we’ll be on Jack’s birth certificate and Dimitry will be getting papers together for his passport on Wednesday.
Lastly, we just want to thank everyone who sent us emails today or posted messages. We are getting them. Our phone is just intermittenly sending things OUT. Now that we now we can leave the room, hopefully we’ll be able to respond!
One last thing – please excuse any typos….sometimes this thing makes up words and I have no idea what all the “J”s are for!
Moscow is Going to the Dogs
Still sitting and reading – trying to pass the time.
Did you know Moscow has a dog problem? Apparently vodka and labs don't mix.
http://www.mnweekly.ru/feature/20070531/55255588.html
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.
Everything Always Changes…
When You Get to Russia!
So we made it to Moscow and Dimitry's wife, Natalya met us. She said we have two choices because our next flight does not leave until 8 p.m. Which is 6 hours from now. She said we can hang out at the airport or go to that gross hotel that we stayed at last time next to the airport. She said it would cost us the same as one night cost for a few hours. That gross hotel was just over 200 dollars, so we opted to hang out at the airport. We were originally told to arrange our flight so we got into Moscow by 2:00 because our flight to Arkhangelsk left at 4:00. Oh well. At least she took us to a nicer terminal. Now we just sit. Funny how everything changes once you get to Russia…
Goodbye Dusseldorf…
As mentioned previously, today is Japan Day. We’re not sure why – maybe it ties back to World War II, but at least half of the people are dressed up as something – they might be dressed as a geisha or comic book character or maybe their just wearing a t-shirt celebrating Japan, but they are dressed as something. It’s really kinda strange. The people of this city seem to love to dress up. There are also a lot of bachelor/bachelorette parties of which everyone has on matching shirts declaring the end of the bride or groom’s life as he or she knows it. We’ve seen at least 15 of these parties today alone. The guys all run around with a milk crate of beer and sing songs. The groom may have on an old lady wig or be dressed up as a cowboy. The women dress the bride up in a robe and curlers or perhaps a nun outfit and make her do shots. It’s funny to watch. J
Düsseldorf has 200 bars all connected side by side in the old part of the city and along the Rhine. It’s nicknamed “The World’s Largest Bar” so it’s the perfect place for this kind of party and it’s been perfect for people watching – kind of a “happy accident” for us.” The people are all friendly. Last night we met three guys that were more than happy to hang out with us. Before introducing themselves in their broken English they made it known –“Ve are not a man group, you know.” (?) They noticed us because we were “drinking the sh*t beer.”
So now that we’ve adjusted (a little) and had time to relax and have a little fun, it’s time to go be serious. Back to Russia…Back to Jack…
Struwwelpeter
Found a new addition of Der Struwwelpeter today. It’s funny they actually read this book to kids!